I never had someone to sit me down and explain to me the true definition of what love really meant or what it stood for. Growing up around violent men that showed their loved based on how many time they can bat a woman or how hard of a punch they could throw towards the face of a woman became my way of thinking when it came to being in a "loving relationship".
To take it even further, at a young age, if I wanted attention from a boy, sex would be the way that I would get him to "love" me. Why? Because when I was three and four years old, my uncle said he love me and that followed the action of him molesting me. My cousin would say the same thing right before he involved the space between my legs. From those incidents, I assumed that is how all men expressed and wanted "love". It was through sex.
I was taught a song when I was little. The lyrics were," Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world." I use to ask myself did those children included me because I didn't feel like Jesus loved me. I felt and experienced too much that went against an action or emotion that showed care and concern. So what did I take from those experiences?
I took on a strong hatred for myself. I didn't care how I was treated by people or even how I treated myself. Growing up, I didn't worry about taking care of me the way a woman should. I neglected to take the time to love myself and invest into myself. It was more important for me to have sex and get high then to get my education.
I allowed men to use me for the split second pleasure of having sex. I even allowed men to use me as their personal punching bags if that made them feel good about themselves. Whatever I had to do to feel "loved", I did. If a man would've told me to leap, hop on one leg and pat my head, I would do just because I thought he was telling me to do these things because he loved me.
See, these are the misconceptions that most people have when they aren't really taught what true love is. When a daughter is not taught by her father how a man is really suppose to treat her, she allows the unspeakable things to happen. Not only should a father teach his daughter, but he should also lead by example. Show his daughter these things by treating the woman that he is with accordingly.
It is the same thing when a man shows his son how a woman is suppose to be treated. By no means am I leaving the responsibility just to the father, but the mother as well. A mother should teach her daughter how to take care of herself as a lady. Teach her hygiene and whats acceptable and whats not acceptable when it comes to what a man should be allowed to do to her body. Most importantly, when it is acceptable.
Today, I stop to give the message to as many young girls that I can that your body is very precious. God made you special. It took me a long time to realize this. Now, I know that I possess an ability to love the right way. I don't have to open my legs to display love. I also know that if a man truly loves me, he will do it according to the word of God and wait until a reunion is formed in marriage.
We as young women should cherish ourselves and our bodies to want a man to respect us enough to wait and live right. That is how we know that love between the two really exist.
There is no need to compromise either ladies. You don't have to believe that sex is the only way to get or keep a man. After years of reading the Bible, I have never seen the word girlfriend in the bible. There is nothing wrong with dating to build a relationship and getting to know your potential mate, but know that the you were made to be a wife. For the word says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing". I put emphases on "finds" because we should allow the man to find us. Allow a man to stand back and notice you, notice your labor, and your strong will just as Boaz did Ruth.
Allow someone to notice why it is that you are precious in the eye sight of God. You will be appreciated more and you will appreciate a man that takes the time to see your worth and treat you accordingly. Then and only then will the true definition of love be revealed in your life.
God Bless!
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