A little time could have went a long way!

   I hid the things that had happened to me for a very long time. It took "Broken and Rebuilt for the Kingdom" to be written for those that are close to me to know some of the events that has happened in my life. A lot of times I wonder to myself, what did people think was wrong with me. Did they think that I was angry just to be angry? Did they think that I walked around not caring about myself for no reason?
   I thought I showed signs that I needed help. I was a needy child. I screamed "pay attention" but no one heard me. Its mistaken a lot of times that when children do something wrong or random, that they are just asking for attention. But why is this child reaching out for attention so hard?
   I wanted someone to recognize that something horrible was happening to me. I wanted my father to see that I wasn't just a cry baby, but I wanted him to see that I needed him to save me from that monster that was snicking in my room every night and hurting my soft tender body.
   No, I was just told that I cry too much and I just need to suck it up. "Do you know what you are say?" Suck it up! That right there is enough to make a child turn angry because where there is a mistake in thinking that the tears were coming from other children picking on me and no time was taken to find out the real reason why, the tears where coming because my heart, and my body was hurting from a grown man penetrating my little 3 or 4 year old body.
    Take the time out to really find out what is bothering your children when tears flow or why they act out randomly. I believe if at anytime someone would have taken that time for me, I wouldn't have went through life thinking that those were the kind of secrets that needed to be kept. Being over powered by an adult when you are a child, even if at that time sexual violation is foreign to the child's mind, still has a baring on the development of that child. On top of that, no one can tell me that a child has no understanding of what is happening to them at such a young age. Even a seed knows that in that shell it has to be water in order to pop out and grow or shrivel up and die. I am just saying. A child knows, especially if at some point, they were taught the difference between what is right and what is wrong. Even at that age, I carried a lot with me. If someone would have stopped, a little time could have went a long way!